Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Patrick Swayze isn’t dead yet

After some deep soul searching and long moments of prayer, I have come to a very important conclusion:

I need to post a blog regarding Patrick Swayze quickly before he kicks it.

Also, I lied about the praying thing, Some people claim that God talks to them, I cant even get him to text message me!

Anyway, Patrick Swayze is dying. Not just a little, but a lot. I mean, this is going to be really ugly. I think it might even be a permanent thing. This isn't going to be one of those fly by night kind of deaths. We're talking about live televised death here. TIME magazine has already put him on the cover, as if his death makes him a more important person.

Seriously, if I was Patrick Swayze, lying in my bed, waiting for death, and someone busts through my door with the lasted TIME, I would be seriously salty. I can just imagine his publicist calling him:

"Oh man, Patrick! You are on fire right now! TIME puts you on the cover and now Leno, Conan, Oprah all want to do interviews. This is great! If only we had known that this would happen, we could have had you die years ago."

Of course, now Tom Cruise is probably jealous and now he'll have to do some crazy alien god video....wait, what? Oh...I didn't know that. Apparently he has already done that a few months ago. See, its all about timing with these things. Like with Patrick Swayze dying right now, it would be a great time to re-release Roadhouse in some sort of Platinum Collectors Edition.

Just be sure that Kevin Smith does the commentary.

Oh well, he will be missed. I'm sure when he finally does die, and they do some crappy video montage of his accomplishments, they'll use that song "I've had the time of my life" as the background music. You just wait, you'll see it, and hopefully you'll remember that it was my idea first. Those TV bastards have no creative imaginations.

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