Friday, July 23, 2010

Awkward Social Situation #17

Folks, it’s time once again for another episode of "Awkward Social Situations"!!!

This is the part of the blog where we examine a seemingly innocent interaction between two or more people, and then laugh at the bizarre and uncomfortable circumstances that ensue. Let's take a look at today's situation.

A.S.S. #17

"The Stalled Conversation"

The Scenario: Peter is casually making his way through the hallways of his office building when he runs into his co-worker Warren. Warren is a bit younger, and can be very hyper at times. He and Warren greet each other in their typical fashion and begin to walk together while having a conversation about a recent news story. They both seem to be very passionate about the topic and the conversation becomes in depth and relatively detailed.

The Awkward Moment: As they make their way down the hall, it never occurs to either of them that they have the same destination. That's right. Both Peter and Warren are heading toward the bathroom to "test the plumbing". While it is a common occurrence for all three stalls to be occupied at one time, you are typically unaware and unconcerned about the identity of your "stallmates".

They turn the corner and approach the bathroom door.

Possible Outcome #1: Peter realizes that Warren might find it appropriate to continue their enthralling conversation during their respective movements. This upsets Peter to a point where he is willing to "suck it up" and return to the bathroom at a later point when he may do his business incognito.

Possible Outcome #2: Peter accepts the fact that his business is a natural act and he should not be afraid to complete his transaction in the audible range of his colleague. Even if Warren does decide to continue the conversation, at least Peter does not have to worry about cramping or possible colon damage.

Actual Outcome: Peter pretends that his phone vibrated in his pocket, stops dead in his tracks and tells Warren to go on ahead and he'll "catch up with him later." He actually starts typing a text message that he will erase after Warren is out of range. Peter will then proceed to go down one floor and attempt to use the restroom down there. Unfortunately, once Peter arrives at the lower floor restroom, he discovers that the custodian is currently cleaning it. He now has to either return to his desk, feeling uncomfortable and gassy, or he can go down another floor and try his luck at another restroom. Either way, Peter is slowly wasting his break time, while Warren has already completed his own transaction and is actually waiting at Peter's desk for him to return so they can continue their conversation.

Conclusion: Next time, Peter should attempt to plan out his route to the bathroom a bit more strategically, and try to avoid his co-workers who may ruin an otherwise routine event. Peter's other option would be to train his bowels to only evacuate before or after work. Either way, it is Peter who finds this situation awkward, not Warren. You see, Warren actually never needed to poop. He was only going to the bathroom to wash his hands after eating an unusually messy orange. Warren is actually very aware of Peter's apprehension and thinks it’s funny as hell that he prevented Peter from being able to do his duty when he chooses.

In other words, Peter is a tool...and Warren is an ass.

And this concludes this session of "Awkward Social Situations"!

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