Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Mass Transit Requiem
Since the dawn of time, there has been a constant battle between good and evil. Even the setting sun seems to be pushed from the sky by the moon's waning birth, only to be quenched again as the sun reclaims its throne by morning.
This battle is also personified in history's most epic of duels.
David vs. Goliath
Aaron Burr vs. Alexander Hamilton
Luke vs. Vader
Inigo Montoya vs. Count Rugen(six fingered dude)
and this list goes on and on. But all of these famous duels pale in comparison to the one that has finally ended this past week.
Kyle vs. The 32 Metro Bus Driver
Thats right. For years now, I have been battling for road supremacy against the evil 32 Metro Bus driver. This man is a wicked creature who likes to take up both lanes going up Elberon through Price Hill. This is a road that I have traversed thousands of times, and half of those times have lead to an ugly encounter with 32 Metro. I have pleaded for years with Metro Customer Support to banish this horrid monster, but claims of wreckless driving and vindictive lane changes having fallen on deaf ears.
He knows who I am. We've made eye contact on more than one occasion. He's a large beast of a man. His bowling ball shaped head and his massive blob of an ass, all surrounded by his tent of a uniform is an all too familiar sight for me. He sneers at me as we pull up to the light next to one another. He knows that I'm about to pass him, but doesn't care. All he cares about is that the last 3 miles were his and I had to suck on the death smoke coming from his
exhaust. Once, I actually got up along side of him, maintaining a parallel position, causing him to be very acute in his turns. He didn't like that at all. Being a Jabba sized man, he's used to taking up more than his share of space. He didn't like me keeping him restricted to one lane. Too bad for him that the law is on MY side. One vehicle, one lane. There can be only one.
It had been two weeks since my last encounter with 32 Metro. This past Friday, I pulled onto Elberon and saw my nemesis up ahead. As I approached, an odd thing occured. Instead of being an ass and taking up both lanes, the bus pulled over, slowed down, and allowed us to pass. As a pulled along side, I looked over to gaze into the eyes of my enemy...
It was a chick. A white chick. A fat white chick. She was smiling.
Its over. He's gone. Dead? Transferred? Did my complaints finally make their way to someone who cares? I'll never know. All I know is this: he's not an issue any more. After almost a decade of mass transit induced road rage, I'll finally be able to drive through Price Hill without having to stare at the back end of a dirty bus the whole way.
Where ever you are, Mr. Ex 32 Metro Bus Driver, know this....